Embrace: Q & A

Q: When you say not to "settle" for one person, even if you love them and could imagine a life with them, what exactly do you mean? I mean all people are imperfect, if we were to search for someone who completely satisfies every part of us that would be near crazy wouldn't it? I feel like there are basic standards which we inherently are aware of when we choose to start a relationship with someone (i.e. faith, moral boundaries, self-respect, common ground etc.) but when there is something missing in the relationship, wethor its a lack of interest in certain areas or a disregard for the other's needs to do something they love to do...is it settling when you choose to love them regardless or choose to start a life with them? I guess this talk touched me on a very personal level because I desperately would like to avoid making a bad decision in the area of my love life, but am in love with someone who can often abandon certain needs without their knowing of it. So I guess what I am asking is, if love is a choice, how do we conclude it?

A: (by Charlie)
I agree that we are all imperfect. There is no perfect human being outside of Jesus. And when I say, “don’t settle,” I am not saying that someone should look for another who completely satisfies every part of us. No two people can be this for each other—that’s why we need a Savior.
As a pastor over the years I have seen many people make compromises in who they date because they are afraid that God can’t provide someone “better” for them and the deeper they get into the relationship, the harder it is to turn back.
There is a spiritual truth that I believe applies to all of us as human beings: we become like the people we spend time with. King Solomon found this out the hard way. King Solomon, who was given incredible supernatural wisdom from God, compromised in his marriage relationships (yes, I did mean relationships—back then polygamy was an accepted practice!). 1 Kings 11:1—3 talks about how Solomon “settled” in these key relationships in his life. His wives didn’t share the same faith in God that he did. 1 Kings 11:4 tells us the disastrous result of his choices: “As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.” If one of the wisest men who ever lived fell into this trap what makes us think that we are immune from it? When I say, “don’t settle,” what I’m saying is be wise in who you choose to trust with your heart. Watch his or her life. Anyone can say that they are a Christ-follower, but not everyone lives this way. If someone isn’t making good decisions when you are dating them they aren’t going to change when you are married. You will become like the people you spend time with. The question we have to honestly ask ourselves is, “Are we OK with this?”

Please take note, to your right...

in the sidebar you'll notice a link to a "Prayer Request Page". This will be a permanent link where you can write prayer requests or contact the Genesis Prayer Team. Anonymous comments are welcome, of course. This is just one way to let us know how we can pray for you!

Big Church, Genesis Style: Identity Crisis

If you came to Genesis this morning and noticed the doors to Monschke Hall were locked, don't worry- We did not disband!

Instead, we met inside the main sanctuary and held the regular "big church" attendees hostage for a while so they could see what a Genesis service is like. This temporary mutiny does not indicate an identity crisis; we will meet again next week in Monschke Hall as usual (although we could change our name to geneCRIsis and regularly take over big church...nah!). However, the topic for this week happens to be about our own identity crises: what happens when we forget that we are children of God, and use external/temporal parameters to identify ourselves.

Sometimes we identify ourselves by tastes in music, a job title, relationships, race, favorite sports teams, etcetera, etcetera. But I think we can also do this within the body of Christ. We will strive to determine our spiritual identity, naming ourselves non-denominational or denominational or Calivinist or Pre-millenial dispensationalist or Arminian or postmodern or emergent or reformed or Christian or Christ-follower or "a thru d". And somewhere in the midst of defining our faith, we can forget that it all comes down to being a child of God. We might change our theology frequently or not at all, but in the grand scheme of things those terms don't compare to the privelege of calling Almighty God our Father, and to know that He lavishes His love on us (1 John 3:1).

Prayer Request Page

Feel free to submit a prayer request here, or contact GenesisPrayerRequest@tlc.org.

Q & A

Question:I’m in high school and…one friend told me that her and her boyfriend had been sleeping together before they broke up. When I talked to her about it, she said she really regretted it, but wouldn’t be surprised if it happened again with a different boy. Another friend is currently sleeping with her boyfriend. She says its OK because they are going to get married…I’m really concerned. Both of these people go to church too. What do I say? ...I feel someone needs to do something but I also feel like it’s not really my place to step in.

Answer (by Charlie):I think it’s great that you have a desire for your friends to experience God’s best. The fact that you are wrestling with this is evidence that you love your friends. Here’s the question I have for you--if your friend was in the road and didn’t see a car coming that was headed straight for her and was a few feet away, would you scream at her to get out of the way? My hunch is that your answer is “Yes!” Proverbs 27:6 talks about the value of good friends who speak the truth in love. Solomon writes. “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Solomon’s point is this—it takes a good friend to tell you the truth even if the words hurt a little bit. In fact, he is saying that those who don’t tell you the truth and just tell you what you want to hear are actually enemies and not friends. You can’t control your friends’ decisions. They stand before God on their own decisions. What you can do right now is to pray for them, that they will see and choose God’s best plan for their lives. Also, pray for God to prepare an opportunity to talk with them individually. When it is time, gently, lovingly, yet directly point out to them your concerns—you may even get a chance to pray together. Then continue to actively love them with the love of Jesus, regardless of what choices they make.

Q & A

Question:Due to witnessing unnatural sexual experiencing my fantasies are jaded. Since last week I talked to a therapist. She said better to fantasize about my male friend and a loving sexual experience that happened in our past than to continue these bad fantasies. Scripture says…that it is wrong to fantasize about a person because that’s as good as doing the act. In not doing that, the other is worse. The therapist says that the treatment for my condition to get better is to go against God’s law. What do I do?

Answer (by Charlie): First I want to affirm you in your struggle and in your desire to find healing and freedom from your past. That is a brave thing to do! I don’t answer this question lightly because it sounds like there is a lot of pain surrounding this issue for you. As one who believes that the Bible is God’s ultimate Word, I have some concerns about the therapist’s advice. On the one hand, it makes sense that she is trying to replace your memories with better images. Yet, I resonate with your concern about her advice because in Matthew 5 Jesus tells us that when we lust after someone it’s as if we have had sex with him or her. In Jesus’ eyes, this mental act of sexual fantasy (outside of marriage) is a sin. I agree with your therapist that our former corrupt images need to be replaced with new and better ones. Instead of dwelling on a mental picture of human love, though, the Bible points to an even bigger, more perfect, more healing love. I go back to Colossians 3:1-2. Right before he commands us to put to death all that belongs to our earthly nature (including sexual immorality), Paul says these words, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” His point is that as followers of Jesus our eyes and minds need to be focused on the things of Jesus—His love, His beauty, His glory, His power and His Kingdom. This means that we need to go to Scripture and replace our old, corrupt mental pictures/fantasies with new Biblical pictures of God and His character. This is what Biblical meditation is all about. It is about bringing the truth of Scripture to life in our minds. Romans 8:38-39 has been a passage I have found myself meditating on recently. This passage talks about the power of Jesus’ love for His people regardless of the obstacles. When I see this passage in my mind I see everything in the world trying to separate me from God—my failures, my sins (past and present), my desires, my decisions, my doubts, my fears, spiritual powers, etc. They are all pulling at me and clawing at me and powerfully trying to separate me from God’s love. At first I’m frantic and I’m just grasping at anything and everything to stay close to Him. But then I rest in the truth of this passage and instead of frantically trying to hold onto Him, I realize that He is holding onto me. This is Biblical truth! There is nothing in this world more powerful than the grasp of God. These are the kinds of mental pictures that I come back to when I am tempted by thoughts that pull me away from Him—including sexual thoughts and fantasies. Let me know how I can be praying for you. This is a spiritual battle (see 2 Corinthians 10:3-5) and the more people you can have praying for you the better.

Q & A

Q: My boyfriend says he is a Christian but he likes to watch porn. He knows that it makes me have a low self-esteem, I am really uncomfortable about it, and he wont stop even though asked him too. I want to be with him for the rest of my life but I cant deal with this fact. I don’t know how to help him and make him realize that its hurting his walk with Christ and our relationship. How can I help him?

A (by Charlie): This is a great question that obviously has much personal pain behind it. I want to start by acknowledging that this a tough situation for you to be in. It probably has created a lot of pain, hurt and confusion for you. This is obviously someone you care about.

Let me start first by addressing the issue of pornography. Many people think that pornography is harmless. They think that they aren’t engaging in sin when watching it, so it’s OK. This isn’t the case. Pornography is sin because it negatively affects our relationship with God and our relationship with others (as you are well aware). Matthew 5:28 tells us that when we look at someone lustfully (with an unchecked sexual desire in our hearts) we have sinned against God. So sin is not just what we do, it’s also what we think about. When we watch porn, we feed our lust and engage our minds with sexual immorality. Furthermore, the things that fill our minds and hearts will eventually control our thoughts and behavior. That’s what Jesus is talking about In Matthew 15:19 when he says “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” The more we watch pornography the more it fills our hearts. It eventually ends up controlling our thoughts and our behavior. All of this sin does damage to our intimacy with God and our intimacy with each other. Psychologists and sociologists are starting to support the Bible’s teachings with their findings regarding pornography. They are discovering that when we watch pornography it has a negative affect on our intimate sexual relationships, with the end result being loneliness and disconnectedness. If you think about it based on the series we are doing in Genesis, this makes perfect sense. Watching pornography fills our minds with visuals of physical sex without any emotional or spiritual intimacy. It’s the “animal” approach to sexuality; the more we watch the more we start believing that this is the true approach to sexuality. In addition to all of this, pornography can be highly addictive and Christians are not immune to its power. A Promise Keepers survey revealed that over 50% of the men struggled with pornography just 1 week after attending the stadium event. I applaud you for saying that you “can’t deal with this fact.” You shouldn’t. He is engaging in sin and it’s hurting you and it’s hurting him (whether he realizes it or not). The only way he can get help is if he wants help. The first step in getting out of sin is agreeing with God that what you are doing is sin. If he can’t and won’t do this, there is no way to help him (outside of praying for God to soften his heart). If he does want help, there are plenty of resources (check out www.xxxchurch.com ) and people to help him. Our desire at Genesis is to help people find healing from sin and the resulting pain of sin through Jesus first and then through community. We would love to walk with him through this—he just needs to be willing to do this. If he isn’t wiling to get help, my advice to you is to end the relationship. I know this sounds harsh, but it is in your (and his) best interest. God’s command to husbands is to love their wives as Christ loves the church (see Ephesians 5:25). This is a radical, self-sacrificing love. If he isn’t willing to give up porn for himself and for you now, he won’t be wiling to do this in marriage. If you stay in the relationship, you will continue to be hurt and you will enable him to continue in this sin.

Let's Meet at the Beach this Sunday!

Arrive early for a parking space! We'll meet at Rio Del Mar Beach this Sunday for worship, the Word, volleyball, probably some donuts, coffee, and sunshine! Bring a lunch and some sunscreen!